pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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