You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
