So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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