Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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