The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
FUCK WHALES
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
