My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
one might say we're banned from that church
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
