you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
