He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
