some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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