i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
