Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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