Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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