either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
