the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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