Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
