new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I need a hoe opinion
go on
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
