i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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