Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
