"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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