who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
