i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
