she woke up with a sticky ear
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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