I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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