a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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