Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
