Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
