It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We have started to decorate penises.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
