He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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