pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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