Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
