i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
