Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
