my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
why is half of my head shaved?
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