I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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