shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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