Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
