and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
