I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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