So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
