How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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