Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
