call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
