If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
