I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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