Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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