pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
