my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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