If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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