so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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