u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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